Create in Me

Have you ever attended a conference or listened to a sermon where the message just really stuck with you? I’m talking months later, and the central theme of the message still just gets you down to your bones? For me it’s usually not a message of 5 things I need to do to be a better person/mother/Christian/friend, whatever it may be. It’s usually a concept that opensblack-and-white-dark-forest-637-524x350 my mind and reveals a space in my soul that I haven’t let God touch. Ouch.

I’ve had a space in my life that has been empty. I’ve prayed for God to touch it, to fill it. I’ve waited. Somedays patiently, some days, well, some kicking and yelling at God have come out.   For the longest time I felt like He had removed the junk in this space, and left it empty, so He would therefore fill it when He desired. Here was this empty space, sort of a container in my life, that needed to be healed, filled, restored.

Then a message from Michelle Anthony last spring shifted that perspective. God is not either / or. Empty space in my life or full space in my life. He is both. And so much more. He wants me to see more than this empty, broken space in my soul. He wants me to gain His perspective, and to do that I need to slow down. Pause. Spend time with Him.

In John 9 He healed a blind man’s sight. He gave the man instructions to follow, and in faith, the man did. His sight was restored. This man who would sit and beg, blind since birth, could now see. Here’s where that message really hit me though. Really changed my perspective. I assumed all of these years that his eyes simply didn’t work. But what if he never had eyes? I mean, what if he was born without eye balls in his eye sockets. And in faith, He followed the instructions Jesus gave him. He wasn’t just healed. He wasn’t just restored to something that was physically there but didn’t work properly. Jesus created. Do you get that? Jesus didn’t just restore what was broken or lost, He created what never was.

He is both. He is Healer and Creator. So I pause here in my thoughts, in my prayers, in my time with Jesus. You are healer in my life, restoring the broken, the ill, the worn out parts of my soul. And you are also creator. Out of the chaos something new is being formed. You are taking this barren space in my soul, which never truly was, and you are creating something new. Help me to rest in that, in this moment, and let you create in this empty space that is yours.

God Is…

galaxy-lights-milky-way-676-830x550I’ve had one of those “I’m done! Can’t handle this anymore!” kind of afternoons. I think I’ve complained to God for just about every possible thing I could think of today. Serious vent session with Him. I want to cry, stomp my feet, pound my fists on the floor, and not act very lady like.

I’m just tired. And sick. And worn out. Even though I was just on vacation last week (sorry for the lack of posts, btw) I’ve been fighting a sinus infection. It decided to be stronger than the first round of antibiotics. Now we’re playing a sort of Russian roulette with another class of antibiotics. I just tend to have the uncommon rare reactions, so I’m very leery of this one.

This afternoon went like this: I came home from some gatherings & was exhausted. The house was a disaster; kids haven’t done any chores all week. I laid down for a short rest to calm my head. Continually poked and prodded by kids, I opened my eyes to an Iphone shoved in my face,“do you remember this girl that you taught preschool to 9 years ago?!” Questions, demands, stomping feet, bad attitudes, short answers, long explanations of why they can’t do something, more demands, even worse attitudes, then a disaster in a simple social interaction. My face is visibly swollen and painful. And if I were to actually break down & cry, well, infection would get worse.  I feel stuck.

I’m done with this God. I’m not done with my kids or the work you’ve laid before me. I’m just exhausted and tired of doing this alone. My heart hurts tonight for my son who is continuing to struggle in areas. I want to give him more and I’m feeling at a complete loss. I’m just feeling very hopeless. In a lot of ways.

I’m leaning on you Jesus, because you’re my comforter. And you’re reminding me of the messages I got to be a part of earlier today. A continuing thread collectively declaring who GOD IS…

You are savior, You are victorious, You are soooo faithful, You are compassionate! God, you are ON the throne! You are RIGHT ON TIME! God is OUR BANNER – You go before us and declare our identity and are over us. You are provider, delightful and powerful. God you are redeemer and healer. You are before the beginning. You are the God of creativity, ideas and timely surprises! You are gracious. God you are near. God, you are love.

I declare all of these to You now. You bring me comfort and peace as I wait and trust in you. Provide me with patience, bring me healing, help me show others your love. This will be your victory. You alone get the glory. I trust you. I will follow you.

Blessed be the name of The Lord!

Amen