You matter, you matter, you matter!!
You mattered to so many people. You mattered to me. Our conversations, our dreaming, our laughs, they mattered to me. Our exploring hearts, our independent spirits, our past life struggles, they mattered to me. I still tell the story of setting off alarms in the palace and the Palestinian Authority looking for us. Maybe still… And adventures through the markets filled with deep, deep conversations. You touched my life in such a profound way. Even now when I struggle through situations I remember the words you said in your car one day after lunch, “You have to be okay letting it go, to the point all you need is Jesus.” I admired your faith, I admired your strength, I admired your heart. Sister, I am so sad to not have you here. The words from my message last month are still true, “and I know when we catch up we’ll talk all night as if no time has passed.” You mattered to me.
You being gone still makes me catch my breath in the worst possible way. THE WORST.
Friends, if you are in the deep dark lonely space, please please
PLEASE HEAR THIS–
I know sometimes this life is hard. Really hard. And it feels like a very singular experience at times, all alone in the deep dark with no way out. You may feel ready to end this life on your own terms. But you are not alone. We have this one life and we get to reach out and live it together. Please, you matter. If you’re in the deep, look for the light. It’s there. Maybe a tiny pinhole, but if you focus on it, it will grow. You will overcome, you will find the joy. Oh my friend, I promise!! Because you matter!!
There is so much hurt and hate in the world right now and I know it’s hard to even breathe some days. Keep doing it. One. Breath. At. A. Time. And if you know someone who is struggling, reach out. You don’t have to fix it for them. Just sit with them and breathe. One. Breath. At. A. Time. Tell them they matter. Tell them there is love all around pouring in. Just sit awhile and let it pour in.
For all of us, why do we get caught up in the fear? Why do we let the anxiety hold us down. Why do we let other people’s actions and reactions rule over us? Tell us who we are? Define us, that we should live in the dark? The dark of the night may come, sometimes we just have to hold on for the light.
Instead of treating others poorly, instead of shaming, arguing, telling half truths, manipulating and demanding our own way, how can we give a little more? How can we serve each other a little more? How can we simply say I’m sorry and extend forgiveness? How can we say I know it hurts and I’m here to listen? How can we just love a little more? Every. Day.
Friend, you were a pivot point in my life. I am so grateful for our conversations and laughter. My tears don’t stop right now, that you felt this was the best way out of the dark. My heart hurts incredibly, in a way I didn’t want to know it could. I’m trying to find my smile through the tears, because you were a pivot point for so many people. Family, friends, far and wide. The way your face lit up talking about your sponsor children in a foreign country. And when you got to sit them on your lap and meet their families. When you got to travel the world and meet new people… You changed all of our lives. For the better.
You are missed, because you matter.