I’ve had one of those “I’m done! Can’t handle this anymore!” kind of afternoons. I think I’ve complained to God for just about every possible thing I could think of today. Serious vent session with Him. I want to cry, stomp my feet, pound my fists on the floor, and not act very lady like.

I’m just tired. And sick. And worn out. Even though I was just on vacation last week (sorry for the lack of posts, btw) I’ve been fighting a sinus infection. It decided to be stronger than the first round of antibiotics. Now we’re playing a sort of Russian roulette with another class of antibiotics. I just tend to have the uncommon rare reactions, so I’m very leery of this one.

This afternoon went like this: I came home from some gatherings & was exhausted. The house was a disaster; kids haven’t done any chores all week. I laid down for a short rest to calm my head. Continually poked and prodded by kids, I opened my eyes to an Iphone shoved in my face,“do you remember this girl that you taught preschool to 9 years ago?!” Questions, demands, stomping feet, bad attitudes, short answers, long explanations of why they can’t do something, more demands, even worse attitudes, then a disaster in a simple social interaction. My face is visibly swollen and painful. And if I were to actually break down & cry, well, infection would get worse.  I feel stuck.

I’m done with this God. I’m not done with my kids or the work you’ve laid before me. I’m just exhausted and tired of doing this alone. My heart hurts tonight for my son who is continuing to struggle in areas. I want to give him more and I’m feeling at a complete loss. I’m just feeling very hopeless. In a lot of ways.

I’m leaning on you Jesus, because you’re my comforter. And you’re reminding me of the messages I got to be a part of earlier today. A continuing thread collectively declaring who GOD IS…

You are savior, You are victorious, You are soooo faithful, You are compassionate! God, you are ON the throne! You are RIGHT ON TIME! God is OUR BANNER – You go before us and declare our identity and are over us. You are provider, delightful and powerful. God you are redeemer and healer. You are before the beginning. You are the God of creativity, ideas and timely surprises! You are gracious. God you are near. God, you are love.

I declare all of these to You now. You bring me comfort and peace as I wait and trust in you. Provide me with patience, bring me healing, help me show others your love. This will be your victory. You alone get the glory. I trust you. I will follow you.

Blessed be the name of The Lord!

Amen